Probably the most important factor in achieving a fulfilling life is knowing who we truly are, knowing our own truth and desire. This is the essence of who we are, what we want to do and be in life, regardless of what we have been raised to believe about ourselves, and despite what others (especially those we give our power to, those we admire and look to as role models) are saying and doing around us.

The only way we can learn this is through deep and varied life experiences. Just as when we choose a particular color of paint for our walls we need to see it in all different times of day and in various intensities of light, because it is astonishing how different one shade can be in different conditions.

Some of our most instructive experiences occur in the times when we think no one is watching us, when we face temptation, when we have the opportunity for revenge, when we realize we have power over someone, or when we feel we don’t have what we need and we feel very much like we may not survive. We have to go through many, many versions of these experiences till we get to the point where we choose thoughts, words and actions that conform to the version of ourselves that we aspire to be.

Other experiences are so unique and rare they have special lessons to teach us. For example, when I was younger I always assumed that if I ever witnessed an accident or trauma I would avail myself to help anyone in need. When I was living in London in my late 20s as I was walking down Fleet Street to work, I caught sight of something above me. It was a body falling from several floors up. Acting on pure instinct alone, I turned away because, somewhere deep inside of me, I knew I could not witness the landing of the body on the pavement. I turned around and I never looked back. I did not stay to help. I did not hesitate in my desire and intention to escape. To this day I have no idea why I reacted this way, but this experience helped me understand that there were parts of myself that were not yet revealed until that moment.

Every experience has something new to show us about ourselves, who we are in every degree of light and shade, even those that seem repetitive and identical to previous experiences. This is because depth and intensity often require repetition. So when we often feel we are drifting through life, that nothing we do is of any real value, it can be useful to remember that we are in the process of creating the ultimate work of art: our true selves.

Then there are the traumatically disrupting experiences, that almost all of us have to endure at some point, where we experience deep loss (of a loved one, a job, a marriage, health or money) that shows us that so much of what we always believed to be true is, in fact, not. It is crucial to understand that our ability to find peace, love, happiness, and success - all the aspects of what we usually consider to be a “fulfilling” life - is directly related to our ability to accept the vast array of life’s vicissitudes, no matter how disturbing or distressing they may be, because these loss experiences become the new and improved lens which ultimately provides sharper and more accurate views of life and love that eventually lead to meaning and wisdom.

Life becomes more deeply rewarding and fulfilling as we transform, through experience, our knowledge of ourselves and the world into wisdom. Thus wisdom generally requires extensive time on earth. This is not immediately obvious to younger people because this world seems to belong to the young - the world cherishes and admires youth and youthful beauty so much that we quickly and mindlessly dismiss the unique and profound gifts of age which hold the keys to wisdom and meaning.

Further, when we are young our inexperience leads us to believe we are living life in its entirety. What we see, understand, and know seems not only to be where it’s all at, constituting the only things of value, but if we are not in the center of it all, if we are not young, cutting edge and sexy, we are unimportant, redundant, and seen as having no useful contribution.

It takes time and experience to understand that we all start out with only one lens through which we view ourselves and the world. Our socialization, education and acculturation lead only to a world view that fits the current paradigm in which we exist. Only experience enables the paradigm shifts to occur necessary for us to see the world from more than one angle and through more than one lens.

Learning our true desire has to be unpacked from all the social conditioning, beliefs and pressures that form the first few versions of ourselves. This is usually a gradual process, a series of experiments where we test all the possible options until we have enough knowledge and experience to know what makes our heart and soul sing. And it is for this reason that whilst most over 50 would love to inhabit their 25 year old body again (and most would view that body with far greater love and acceptance than we did the first time round) almost none would want the young and inexperienced, often confused and insecure, 25 year old mind that goes with it.

When we have sufficient experience to accumulate great knowledge about ourselves, other people and the world, we are ready to develop a new set of skills: the subtle art of alchemy and transmutation. Knowledge is transformed into the wisdom that enables us to love who we truly are, allowing us to choose options based on love rather than fear, hatred, or insecurity, and embed our lives in truth. Life and experience teaches us that love and truth, and the enlightenment and meaning they lead to, are the only things of true and lasting value.

Eileen McBride
Eileen McBride is the author of Love Equals Power 2, a spiritual seeker and teacher. This article was published on July 28, 2015.