Since I began writing for my website life has seemed determined to throw stuff at me to ensure I don’t just spout mere theory. Like Sunday night. I’d just had the most beautiful day down the beach and I was relaxing on my bed enjoying the warm and peaceful evening, happily salty and tired. Then the phone rang.

It was somone close to me. We’ve had our troubles in the past, that’s for sure, but I thought that was all behind us. Apologies have been made and several years elapsed. I thought we’d found a way to peacefully coexist. But I was wrong.

So what do you do when someone dumps a load of shit in your lap for no reason other than they can? Just because they want to mess with your head; because they know your desire to make things right is greater than theirs. This is the pattern. Everything seems to be trucking along nicely and then another passive aggressive missile, that you never see coming, whacks you.

I felt angry, and then hurt. It spoilt my whole evening, and my night’s sleep. Monday morning I took myself off to yoga because my wonderful yoga teacher, Gena*, teaches a yoga practice that addresses the needs of the mind, body and spirit in a way that dissipates emotional turmoil.

The reading at the end of the session dealt with purity. Cat De Rham writes in her book The Spirit of Yoga that we purify ourselves in the way we choose our food, the words of our conversations, and the thoughts we hold onto. She says:

‘The entire search for our true essence is a process of purification and letting go. As the impurities dissolve, the light of self-knowledge and awareness emerges.’

My good friend Sal has a country property with several ancient pine trees that are all more than 100 years old and over 100 feet tall. During a small storm recently one of them had its roots ripped out of the ground and it just suddenly keeled over. It had clearly been dead for years.

After my yoga session I was calm, peaceful and resolute. It was time for this relationship to die. Anything else would be like trying to re-erect that enormous old tree - an impossible task, doomed to fail and possibly taking others down with it in the attempt.

As is often the case in relationships, hurtful words are not what they seem. They are not an attack. They are a catalyst for action; the red flags waved to rouse us out of our complacency, to get our attention; to prompt us to actively choose a different road, and set out alone. They are the call to purify and let go.

*Gena Kenny, Ohana Yoga

Eileen McBride
Eileen McBride is the author of Love Equals Power 2, a spiritual seeker and teacher. This article was published on February 24, 2010.